MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: june and july

It makes me so happy to see how many photos from our holiday I'm in. Not in a narcissistic way, of course! I'm just so glad to be there, part of the fun and the memories and not just behind the camera. I can't believe how many lovely family photos, with all four of us in, we got this holiday - especially after last year when we only ended up with one on my iPhone, where the girls were both crying!

I've decided to keep June and July's Motherhood Captured photos within their chapters on this blog - where they should be - but you can find them all here if you'd like to take a look.

As ever, I'm so grateful for this project. I've really got into the habit now of passing over the camera and getting myself in the frame. I know it's something I'll never regret.

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED

This month has been a good one, in terms of how many times I've found myself in front of the camera. Blog posts throughout the month have pictures of me in, which is awesome; with this project I wanted to make getting in the photo a habit, and not just something I remember to do on the last day of the month, and I feel like I'm getting there.

These pictures are my favourites from the project so far I think. They're so natural and fun and really represent our relationship. I'm so happy that I asked my sister, Dora, to snap them on our sunny picnic.

I'm so lucky to be Mama to these girls. They are amazingly brilliant children, and I love them so much.

MEADOW FUN: wearing



WEARING: [Phiney] Charity shop jumper, Next denim shirt and floral skirt, La Coqueta tights, Clarks boots [Coralie] Monsoon blouse, charity shop cardigan, Coco & Wolf bloomers, La Coqueta tights, charity shop wellies.

Sometimes I accidentally dress the girls in the same colours and sometimes you head to the meadow and they match the fallen trees and dried grass. A little meadow adventure one morning a few weeks ago...

32

Last week I turned 32. We'd had a family party on the Saturday for Coralie and I (I'm not sure Coralie will be as keen on joint parties with her Mama when she turns 18, so I'm embracing it now!) so my birthday was spent just the four of us. We decided to visit the aquarium in Bristol and then got pizza for lunch. The girls fell asleep in the car on the way home so Ben suggested I park up and pop into a few shops by myself to have a browse (I found nothing. Typical.) Then we got home, popped to the allotment and after bath time and bedtime for the girls, we slumped in front of the TV and ate lunchtime's left over pizza. It was simple and not very rock n roll, but it was awesome.

With the girls a little older this year (and the question about whether or not to have a third baby very much still undecided) this year feels like the year to bring back some of the focus on myself. To forge forward in my career and to get fit. To not always put myself last. I want to do this for me, for our little family, for my girls, for our future.

Here's to getting older (and maybe a little wiser?) and being so so grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life.

Thank you Ben for taking most of these photos. Apart from the top one, Coralie refused to be in the pictures, even when Phiney and I tried to coax her in by pulling faces. It didn't work!

TWO

Today our baby turns two. And I guess that means she's not really a baby anymore. Coralie has changed so much in the last 6 months; she says so much and her little personality shines through more every day. She is a beautiful child, inside and out, and radiates joy. We are so lucky to have her in our family, so lucky to call her ours. She makes my heart burst with pride every day.

Inevitably we spent yesterday and this morning reminiscing about these days two years ago. How strange it was to think of a time when Coralie wasn't here; how we didn't know if our baby was a boy or girl. Tonight, at 11.30pm Ben and I will recall those last moments in the birthing pool in our bathroom. That final push. Meeting our daughter for the first time, and the drama that followed. Staying up until 4.30am, buzzing and unable to sleep. And tomorrow we'll be thinking about how our girls met for the first time. And how it was love at first sight.

It's an emotional time, birthdays.

Darling Coralie, you light up the world. We all adore you so much, and thank you for making us laugh all day, every day with your funny little ways. As you turn two years old you...

*love playing with your babies ("oh, baby!") and spend hours pushing them round in the pram and rocking them. Also doing their pretend cries, which is both confusing (are you crying, or the baby?!) and hilarious.
*are also obsessed with cars and motorbikes - making your Grandpa very proud, I'm sure!
*love the Playmobil 'guys', and they're are never far from you. We often find them in you backpack. Stashed away so Phiney can't find them.
*love reading books, and Pip & Posy are your favourites. As are The Tiger who came to Tea and Charlie Cook.
*run everywhere. I think I've seen you walk once. Those little legs will carry you awesome places, I'm sure.
* adore your big sister (Nee-Nee), and we often refer to you as 'Shadow' as you copy everything she does. One of my favourite things in the world is to listen to you in the morning over the monitor chatting and laughing and singing together.
*also love your best friend George ("Georgie!!") and his big brothers. What a gorgeous bunch of kiddos you are.
*eat ANYTHING. In the last year there have been some serious extremes of this (sand, snails, ladybirds...!!) But I think your favourite foods right now are corn on the cob, grapes, cream cheese, housmous and sausages. Every day... 'what would you like for dinner, Coralie?' 'Mmmmm, sausages?!'
*love animals, but especially bugs. Spiders, ants and woodlice are your favourites and you'll spend ages patiently trying to catch them in the garden.
*give the most awesome cuddles ("squeeeeeeeze!") and kisses. Sometimes you slip a tongue in, which is gross and funny at the same time.
*looooove your Mama. Definitely having a mama-phase right now, which I am totally embracing! Give me all the cuddles.
*also want to sing another song before bedtime. Top of the list is Twinkle Twinkle, Rock a Bye Baby, The Hokey Cokey, If you're Happy and you Know it and Mama Mia. Yes, the ABBA song.
*are obsessed with ABBA (Super Trooper and Mama Mia are you favourites and they're on repeat in the car) Nirvana's Live and Unplugged in New York album and Never Had a Friend Like Me from the Disney CD. You also love some drum and bass. And Dolly Parton.
*want to wear your wellies every where.
*still won't wear a hat.
*love bath time.
*hate nappy changes.

Happy birthday Coralie Joe! We love you xxxxxxxx

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: april

I hung onto this project by the skin of my teeth this month. In fact, Ben snapped this one in the garden on Saturday (last day of April!) as I had to get one done to post here. I'm grateful that the Motherhood Captured series is that little voice at the back of my head reminding me to get in front of the camera - even if it is only once a month. And no matter how staged it was, it's still a beautiful and natural moment between me and my babies. A capture that shows us in the garden, in the sun, playing around and cuddling and smiling and just enjoying being at home and in each other's company.

The months are moving by so fast this year, and I'm busily working behind the scenes on trying to make one of my dreams come true. It's exciting and nerve wracking and completely mind/time/energy consuming but I know that, in one way or another, it'll be worth it. I'm so happy to have to be able to give it a go, and the support to take some time and try to make it happen. Who knows if it'll work out, but I'm proud of myself either way.

As always providing for and inspiring my girls is what drives me. I want them to see and know that working hard and being passionate about something is what matters. I want to be their role model. And I want them to be proud of their Mama, in the same way I'm proud of them.

I turn 32 next week. For the first time I think I can see some little laughter lines on my face, maybe a faint wrinkle, and I've plucked a couple of grey hairs from my head in the last month or two. I don't feel 32 at all. I'm pretty sure I'm actually still 17, but apparently not. And in all honesty I don't mind aging. I am so lucky and grateful for all I have, for all that those 32 years have given me. I feel more confident in who I am, and what I want from life than ever before. Who knows what the next year will bring, but I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to be here, on that adventure.

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: march

This month's photographs for the Motherhood Captured series are a bit different. They were taken using my iPhone, and shot in front of a not particularly attractive backdrop of the leisure centre entrance. But they're special for a few reasons, and I love that they're here, as part of this project.

With Ben off work this week, we planned a pretty lazy Easter holidays with nowhere to go and nowhere to be - a rarity and a luxury these days. But one thing Josephine really wanted was to go swimming. We decided to head to Swindon and the Oasis Leisure Centre where there were the slides, wave machines and all round amazing waterpark-type things that a four year old would love.

We bought the girls new swimming costumes in M&S the day before we went (Phiney picked them both - brilliant choices and exactly what I'd have picked) and they pranced around the living room for ages trying them on when we got home. Josephine was more excited the night before we went than she was on Christmas Eve.

All of us had a brilliant time. I think you can see that in these photos. It's one of the reasons they're so special. I'm so happy this project reminded me to hand the camera to Ben to capture me in that moment too. On that lovely family morning, that totally lived up to Josephine's expectations. That saw Coralie's fear of the waves and splashes quickly vanish until she wanted nothing more than to get under the showers of water.

I love how happy the girls look here, and I love how happy I look. How happy I am. To be spending that morning with my three favourite people. Making a random Thursday morning actually pretty magical. To not be thinking about the to-do list or the bank balance, or how we'll ever be able to buy a house or how to make those career dreams come true. To just be there in the moment. Laughing with my little family. Breathing it all in.

It's also special because it represents a change in me. It wasn't too long ago that the idea of getting into my swimming costume would fill me with dread. That I'd have sneaked into the pool and not budged until it was time to get out. And despite the fact that after two children I most certainly do not have my 'ideal' body (it's not much bigger than it was pre-baby, but it's certainly softer and a little more wrinkly in places!) I am more confident in my own skin than ever before. This last year, I've really focused on becoming the role model I want to be for our girls.

Since Christmas I've been on a health kick. Not so much to loose weight (although that's a nice side effect) but more to be a Mama that 'does' and not just teaches; to practice what I preach. To resist the chocolate bar when I'm telling the girls to have an apple instead, to walk instead of drive - even when it's "sooooo far" (a four year old's perception of a five minute walk).

With daughters especially, I think it's so important that I never look in the mirror and complain. I never say my bottom's too big, or I hate my arms. The word diet isn't one that gets used in our house. They take it all in, even if we think they're too young or they're not listening. And I want to make sure the words I say are positive and encouraging. It's about being healthy and strong and fit. I always focus on the importance on being beautiful on the inside, not on the outside (although telling them they look lovely isn't a bad thing. It's just about balance, right?) And it's started rubbing off. I'm beginning to get it too.

Yesterday, I changed into my swimming costume without a second thought (you know - apart from the bikini wax one a few days earlier!) I walked into the pool and got out, and got back in again. The thought of what I looked like didn't cross my mind. I was there to have fun with my family, and that's exactly what I did.

I hope all this goes a long way - towards my own happiness and that of our children. It's a cruel old world when it comes to appearance, and I want to fill their heads with the right stuff - a solid foundation about what really matters - before they head out and hear otherwise.

So that's why I love these pictures. The happiness outside and in. The depiction of my journey as a Mother, and as a person, these last few months especially. And I love that this series is making me think about all these things. Photographs can be powerful. They say so much more than we initial think when we first look at them. It's why I love them so much, and why I love my job.

Here's to next month...

MONTHLY PORTRAIT: sisters

At the Royal Crescent in the sunshine. Looking for bugs and trying to catch them.

Watching them play and learn and chat and laugh only gets more beautiful as they get older. It's an honour to watch their relationship blossom. Such a proud Mama.

MOTHER'S DAY

I had a lovely day yesterday, getting spoilt by my little family, and then heading out to dinner with my Mum, Nan and the rest of the famalam.

My day started with a lie-in, then pancakes with Nutella and strawberries, before we headed out for a walk in the beautiful March sunshine. Josephine and I were jumping about and being silly when Ben snapped most of these photos. I love them. What the Motherhood Captured project is all about.

I've wanted to be a Mama ever since I was a little girl, and looking at my babies now, I can't believe how lucky I am. They are the sweetest, fiercest, funniest, most beautiful and brilliant girls a Mama could ask for, and I am so proud to be their Mama. It's a crazy journey, motherhood. And even when you've only had two hours sleep, your clothes (and face!) are covered in mud and mushed banana, the house is a mess and your children are shouting at each other or you, or nothing in particular, I wouldn't change a single thing. It is the hardest, but best job in the world. And the smiles, laughter, cuddles, kisses and 'I love yous' make it all worth it.

Josephine and Coralie, my darling girls. I love you more than you can ever imagine. You make me the happiest Mama in town.

And Ben, you make me the happiest wife. Thank you for being the best Daddy and my partner in crime. And for my basket and YesMum cards!  

I love the photo Josephine took of Ben and I too. So awesome that she's big enough to hand the camera to and snap away now :)