THE LITTLE LETTER PROJECT: the search for a penpal

There's few things nicer than receiving a letter in the post. Not a bill or piece of junk mail, or a catalogue full of things you wish you could afford, but a sweet handwritten letter; written with care and love and with the ability to bring a smile to your face and brighten your day. Over Christmas Josephine and I wrote cards and letters together, and she burst with excitement whenever we received one.

For a couple of months now I've been meaning to ask all you Mamas if any of your children would like to be penpals with Josephine. And after seeing her reaction to those letters at Christmas, I knew I had to finally get round to putting it out there.

For us snail mail loving grown-ups, there are a few projects on offer right now. Oh Comely Magazine's Perfect Strangers project and Capture by Lucy's Springtime Surprise Project (yep, I signed up for both!) are each wonderful. But what about our kiddos?

The community, the village, I've found myself in, through blogging and Instagram, is a true blessing. It's a wonderful place to be, full of support and advice, ideas and inspiration, friendship and connections and it seems only right to extend that to our children. To allow them to connect in a way that generations before them have (before email and FaceTime, as awesome as they are!); to exchange stories and reveal new traditions and cultures to each other.

Plus, it's a wonderful focus for crafting; writing paper can be painted (like we did earlier this week) and cards can be drawn; artwork you're not sure what to do with can be sweetly wrapped and sent to new friends in faraway lands.

I've had some ideas if a few people decide to get involved, and am putting together a few more details to ensure every child involved would get a letter they'll cherish, but first I thought I'd put it out there and see what you all thought. It really would be lovely to get our children writing (or dictating!) letters and connect children who would be friends if there wasn't thousands of miles between then :)

So, if you're interested if finding your little one a penpal just pop me an email, or leave your email address below, and i'll send out more details. No matter how old your children or where you live, get involved xx

ps. to ensure only genuine penpals are assigned, an established blog or IG account is needed so let me know your account name or URL too.

MORNING SUN

WEARING: Nanny-made cardigan // Nanny-made bonnet, using Dover and Madden pattern //Baby gap dress // Bonton bloomers from eBay // La Coqueta tights

Our little pixie, basking in the morning sunshine. So happy to just sit and play and watch and soak in the world. Wrapped in Nanny-made knits.

^^^

To my girls, today was a sad day; a year since your Grandpa's funeral. That was a strange day; a day for tears but also a day to laugh and talk to your Grandpa's friends and colleagues, some who knew Grandpa when he was a little boy, all about what a wonderful man he was.

I wanted to stand up and say something that day. To tell all those people what an awesome Daddy he was, how brilliant a Grandpa he was, and how he filled our lives with so much happiness and fun.

I'm sure by the time you are big enough to read this, you'll know the stories I recounted that day, some of my favourite stories, off by heart. I hope you do. But in case you ever want to read all about your Grandpa and I'm not there to tell you, this is for you.

It's so sad to read about all the things we didn't get to do, and about how much darker the world is without your Grandpa here, but remember to always think of the silly games and funny things Grandpa said, and would say, and you'll be laughing in no time. It's what he would have wanted, I know that for sure.

I love you my darlings.
Love Mama xxx

A few weeks before Christmas, I spoke to Dad on Skype, as we did so often while he was away, and I asked him if he'd had any more adventures on his new motorbike. Of course, he had, riding along beautiful stretches of Australian coastline. It was on one such adventure that he'd stopped at a biker cafe he'd passed. He pulled up on his Norton, complete with turn up jeans and his old leather jacket with vintage patches, took off his helmet to reveal his quiff, and was met with sniggers and shouting from the group of Hell's Angels that had taken over the bar. Remembering headlines of gang violence, armed robbery and curfews linked to this group, Dad stood, encircled, knowing that these Hell's Angels were the real deal, and wondering which way this was going to go.

So he did what he did best, and he cracked a joke.

And after a silent pause, the whole group burst into laughter and welcomed him with open arms into the bar.

That was Dad. No matter where he was in the world, no matter what the situation or the type of people, that was my Dad. He bought a smile to the face of everyone he met, burly Hell's Angels included, and was always, instantly loved by them all. It was this charm that once allowed us to leave a restaurant in Prague without paying, because Dad had forgotten his wallet. Dad's smile and way with words had the restaurant manager won over in minutes and he was happy for us to go back the next day. That was more than ten years ago, and every restaurant visit since resulted in Dad pretending to forget his wallet. And we always laughed; every time.

Over the last few weeks, my brother, sister and I have received such lovely emails from friends and colleagues of Dad's all over the world, and every single one of them talks about the laughter he bought to their lives; the light he bought to the world.

We all have so much to learn from the life Dad led. He was an inspiration; to me and to so many others. He seized every opportunity to experience new adventures and learn something different. He worked hard and lived every day to the full. And he did it all with a smile. Like so many of you, it's that smile I will always remember. It brightened every day I got to see it; it has brightened the darkest moments of the last month, and I know that it will brighten the tough times that are yet to come. Every day, we should all strive to bring the same happiness to someone, that my Dad did; to follow in his footsteps and make the world a better place in his honour.

Dad's job meant that we could go for long periods of time without seeing him. In the last few years alone he'd spent many months working in Australia and Germany, but our time together was always the more special because of that. In just a few hours together, we'd have more fun and more laughs than other people would have in weeks. No-one has a Dad like us. And I am so proud to be able to call him my Daddy. Prouder today, than ever.

And no-one has a Grandpa like Tyler, Coby and Josephine. Before Dad started work in Australia last summer Josephine and I spent so many lovely days hanging out with Dad, in the garden, in the sunshine. I will never forget the fun those two had, the laughter and the adoration. Skyping with Dad and Josephine involved raspberry blowing sessions that lasted 15 minutes and whole conversations with him wearing his bike helmet and goggles because Josephine had asked him to put on his 'motorbike hat', which he loved and happily agreed to. In the last few months Dad and I had spoken so much about plans for this year. We should have had so many more days together. More time for Josephine to have adventures with her Grandpa, more time for him to meet our new Baby. But they will always know him. They will know all our favourite stories about him by heart, they will know his beautiful face, and I know he will be watching over them, forever.

For as long as I can remember, I've been told that my Dad was a legend. Whenever we visited film sets, Dad's colleagues would be jostling to tell us how awesome he was, which we all knew, of course. Charlie said last week how people just flocked to Dad; wanting to be in his presence, to share a piece of his happiness. So many of Dad's idols died too young; James Dean, Eddie Cochran and Buddy Holly. They had so much more to give; they left people wanting more. Just like Dad. There should have been so many more years of fun to come; he had so much more joy to spread. But he joins the best of them, nestled with the coolest of the cool; our Dad, a true legend.

Our beautiful Daddy was taken from us far too soon, but no-one could have picked a more magical place in the world to go. Classic Dad. The last few years have been amazing for him. Dora has said how he died on such a high. Working with amazing people on huge film projects, travelling the world, moving into a beautiful new home and meeting his love, Dee.

My last conversation with Dad was on Christmas Eve, two days before he died. As soon as his face popped up onto the screen, I knew how happy he was to have Dee with him. You could see it in his eyes. He looked relaxed and blissful. They opened our Christmas present and he entertained Josephine by wearing a Christmas hat and fashioning a Father Christmas beard from some tissue paper. We all shared so many laughs. Dad talked about the Christmas Day BBQ on the beach they had planned and got Ben's advice on cooking Christmas pudding on it. He was so happy. So happy to have his love beside him, and we are so grateful that he did. So grateful to Dee for making his last days some of the best he ever had; that she loved him with all her heart and that she filled his heart with so much happiness; that she was there to hold his hand as he went. You will always be part of our family Dee, as Dad intended, and we all love you, as he did, so much.

My Papa, my Daddio. It's hard to find the words to tell you how much you meant to us, how much you will always mean to us. You are my hero and I promise to make you proud every single day. To live life to the fullest and to be happy. There should be no goodbyes today. I know you'll always be with me, with us all, guiding us and protecting us. And that someday we'll all be laughing together again. Until that day, I love you, and I will miss you, forever and always.

MORNINGS

The beginning of the week was the laziest few days we've had in a long time. And they were glorious. Making plans and seeking out adventure is a wonderful thing, but so is lazing around indoors, while it's freezing outside, and spending hours building train tracks and snuggling under blankets watching Disney movies and reading and dancing and drawing.

 

Soaking up every second of our babies. The best kind of adventure.

 
I plan on doing a lot more of nothing with these girls in the coming weeks and months. And I can't wait.

ps. their little hands in that first picture. Oh, my heart!

THREE

Today our girl turns three.

Time is going so fast and this birthday seems quite momentous. I know so much will change this year, as Josephine gets older, and it's only the beginning. She's just started her dance classes and after Easter she will start at nursery, three mornings a week; then next year it will be school. I dare not even think about that!

I have felt a little teary at how quickly Josephine is growing up. I want her to stay this age forever. To always want me by her side, to spend her days with me, for me to know everything about what has happened in her day. I plan to drink up every moment this year, more than ever. These little ones of ours don't stay little for long, and I don't want to miss a second.
Beautiful Josephine, you made Daddy and I so proud as you floated around in your little dancing outfit. And how you joined in with the class almost straight away. You make us proud everyday. You truly are the most wonderful, funny and brilliant child. How lucky we are to call you ours.

We hope this year holds fantastic adventures for you darling, and that you continue to grow big and strong and healthy, and lovely as ever. Although, you will always be our baby.

We love you more than words can say.
Happy Birthday tiny dancer xxx

MONTHLY PORTRAIT

 

 

WEARING: vintage Laura Ashley bloomers, Zara cotton top, H&M tights, Amy & Ivor Moccasins, Coco & Wolf bib.

Our sweet Coralie! Eight months old already, and we can hardly believe it. I have failed miserably at keeping a monthly record of what you're doing and how you've changed, but I promise for the rest of your first year, I will record each month here in our journal.

Firstly, you are the happiest child. Always smiling, always pleased to see people, always entertaining yourself with your toys or simply by watching the world around you if we need to get on with chores. You have a basket full of your toys boy upstairs and downstairs, and you sit for so long just rummaging through it, chewing everything you pick up. Always chewing (including your shoes!)...you'd think a tooth would appear, but still no sign of any.

It's funny - with Josephine I was always so keen to achieve the next 'thing'; her teeth starting to come through, her sitting and crawling and walking. But I'm so much more relaxed this time round. In all honesty, it doesn't matter. When you get teeth and start walking, your not my tiny baby anymore, and I'm more than happy for you to stay this little for as long as possible. Plus, it's so good to be able to put you down and know you'll be in the same spot when I turn back round. Life with take on another level of chaos when you start moving, little one.

We thought you might bypass crawling completely, but today you leant forward (reaching for a toy) and held yourself in a crawling position for at least a minute. I wondered if you'd move, but instead you face planted the floor! Smiling the whole time, of course :)

This weekend you started to say "Mama", which makes me so happy! I remember the first time Josephine said it as if it were yesterday, and I'll always remember being sat at the dining table as that little word was muttered for the first time. Josephine looked at each other with huge smiles on our faces and clapped and cheered you, much to your delight.

You mostly call "Dadadada", but you also wave and say "hello" and "bye bye". It is the cutest thing. Josephine is determined you'll say her name next! We'll see about that!

You're a passionate little thing, and give such good kisses and cuddles. You pull me in to you with my hair (ouch!) and plant the most slobbery, open-mouthed kisses round on my mouth. It's totally heart-melting. And when you cuddle, you snuggle right in. Don't ever stop giving cuddles like that.

As you grow, Josephine loves you more and more, and adores the fact that she can play with you more now. Last week, she packed you a pretend picnic and then sat offering you pretend After Eights from the empty box. You smiled the biggest smile, not really a clue what was happening.

We are all besotted with you, Coralie. I truly cannot believe you've been here for eight months already. It has gone so fast. You bring smiles and happiness my darling, and it's a joy to spend my days with you.

We love you xxxx

52/52

"A portrait of our daughters, once a week every week in 2014".

Josephine: Dancing in the most beautiful Christmas Eve light.

Coralie: Watching the world around her in awe, on her first Christmas Eve.  

Taking part in Jodi's 52 Project.

I've just caught up with The 52 Project, and have realised that I've managed every week but 4. I'm kind of kicking myself that I missed out those few portraits, but never mind - that we have 48 is miraculous! If you'd like to see the catch-up portraits, just head here.

After some thought, I've decided I won't continue this project this year. I absolutely love the idea of it, but right now, it's too much pressure. It would be just another thing to add to my to-do list, which is the last thing I need. I will cherish the portraits of the last two years though and think I will try a monthly picture of the girls together in the same spot at least, because I love to see how much they've grown right in front of our eyes...time goes so fast, it's so easy to miss.

I think I've ended this project on a high though - I love these two portraits. That one of Josephine especially has to be one of my all time favourites :)

Happy weekend everyone xxx

INSTA-DECEMBER

1. We spent the morning with best friends at such a happy place - the little airfield we visited a lot with my Dad. So many funny times - it's where i introduced Ben to my Dad all those years ago. We talked all about Dad and smiled so big. Always such a mix of emotions - such wonderful memories, but such sadness too. I miss him so much.
2. These girls will break hearts, no doubt. So sweet and so beautiful. Such a lovely pre-Christmas meet up, with two of our favourite ladies
3. Our poorly babe woke up from her nap this morning in a much happier mood...wiggled out of her sleeping bag, managed to unpop the poppers on her babygrow and get herself wedged sideways in the cot. She thought it was all very funny, and so did Josephine!
4. Her first trip to see Father Christmas
5. Today's trip was on a steam train, and Father Christmas visited us in our Hogwarts Express style compartment. I cannot tell you how much this little one adored every second of the train journey...still a bit wary of Father Christmas, but the train was a definite hit!
6. A day at the aquarium and hanging out with the man in her life. You can see how happy she is about him not being at work
7. Amazed by the fish
8. My Daddy's Christmas bouquet - a new tradition. A beautiful yellow rose for my Papa and a flower chosen by each of us. The pink rose for Josepine, the little pink roses for Coralie, the orange rose for Ben and the green for me. All together at Christmas, in flower form at least :) Such a happy bouquet
9. Christmas outfits are my favourite. Beautiful vintage and knee socks. So sweet
10. Gasp!! Trying to take a picture of these two not looking hilarious is pretty much impossible.

I've added the Insta-month features for the last 6 months too, if you'd like to see them, head here...catching up, bit by bit :)

CHRISTMAS EVE: new traditions

On Christmas Eve, as Ben cooked up a storm in the kitchen in preparation for the next few days, I took the girls on a very special outing to mark the year anniversary of the last time we spoke to my Dad.

On the way to the Botanical Gardens, we stopped at a little flower shop to pick up two very special bouquets. The first, a beautiful package wrapped in brown paper, was a small posey of tiny yellow daffodils. I wanted to lay some flowers at the Gardens to mark this day, and these yellow blooms were perfect. I also wanted to buy a bunch to sit on our mantelpiece over Christmas, and selected the most wonderful, happy bouquet that i'll show you more of soon.

The girls and I wandered round the gardens, soaking up the beautiful winter sun and talking about Grandpa and that last conversation; all the giggles and fun. And as we walked, Josephine laid a stem on the most beautiful spots she could find; moss-covered steps, secluded overgrown nooks and twisted tree trunks. It was lovely and sweet and a wonderful thing to do with my girls. Something we will do every Christmas Eve; a new tradition for my Papa.

 

A NEW CHAPTER: part two

Shoots of new life bursting through the soil at the Botanical Gardens on Christmas Eve, basking in the warm winter sun.

Happy New Year! Hello 2015, hello new-look blog and hello to a new chapter.

Back at the beginning of 2014, just weeks after my dad died, I wrote a piece about life without him being a new chapter of the same story, and as the new year begins I feel that yet another chapter has started. 2014 was a year of firsts; birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries and special occasions without Dad here. Learning how to celebrate whilst living with such sadness has been so strange, but I think, and I've been told by other people who have dealt with death, that facing those occasions will be a bit easier the second time round.

2014 was also a year to begin healing, to learn how to cope, to learn what life is like without my Dad here. Throughout the year I experienced bursts of energy, times when I wanted to grab life by the horns as my Dad always did. I launched Nell Mallia Photography, which was been met with quite a few bookings and such wonderful feedback. But then winter set in and I felt the need to be still and reflect once again. With this new year and new chapter, comes a new sense of passion and ambition, and I'm really excited to build on what I've started and push it to the next level.

I'm also really excited to be back here, to add to our journal more regularly. Starting with my new header, I also plan to fill in the gaps from last year; complete the 52 Project, get up to date with Coralie's Monthly Portraits and our Insta-month round ups, finally write Coralie's birth story. But I plan to slot those in when I have the time and post them to the right months; but I'll let you know when I do and where they are, in case you'd like to check them out :)

I've never really been one for resolutions and seeing the new year as a fresh start, but I am pretty happy to see the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015. Of course, 2014 bought us the most wonderful gift in Coralie, but I'm more than ready for a new chapter.

I plan to simplify, to cut down on the amount I'm on my phone, to live in the moment and, most importantly, seek new adventures with this little family of mine. To tell our family and friends how much they mean to us and to not waste any more time on the negative people who have caused so much hurt. This is a year of positivity and growth.

I hope you've got great plans for 2015, and I hope this year brings only happiness for you all xxx