FIRST DAY: our little schoolgirl

On Monday Phiney started school. She literally hopped, skipped and jumped her way through the doors and I left beaming with pride for our baby girl. No tears were shed by either of us (at least I didn't until Ben sent me the sweetest, kindest text message about being an ace Mama an hour later!) and she bounded out at the end of the morning with just as much enthusiasm, exclaiming how she couldn't wait to go back on Tuesday.

We had a little wobble on the walk to school yesterday (which disappeared as soon as we stepped inside the gates) and on our way home today she asked if she had to go in every day, but I think she's just so tired. It's an exhausting thing this starting school stuff, and this afternoon she mostly led on the sofa watching Tangled. Typically she also has a stinking cold (after two months away from pre-school and not a single sniffle!) which isn't helping matters. I think Friday and two days off will pretty welcome.

I know Phiney will love school - she just has a desire to learn and find out more about the world around her - I'm sure she's always had it. Always so many questions and, so brilliantly, always so much understanding. Mostly though, we're just so happy for Josephine. So happy that she's happy, and so proud of her.

We love you so much Phiney! xxx

JOSEPHINE: september 2016

Tomorrow Josephine starts school. I can hardly believe that this time has come already, those four and a half years zipped by so quickly. Our baby has turned into the most wonderful girl - so funny and serious and laid back and stubborn and clever and silly and kind and sensitive. She has an unbeatable imagination and wants to learn and discover and understand as much about the world as she can. And she's so excited about starting school. About making new friends and learning how to write, and about playing in the playground and with the pretend shop in her classroom; about wearing her school uniform and her beautiful new school shoes.

We're all about to embark on a new adventure. And tonight I feel sad that the first part of our journey together is coming to an end - those carefree days, where I have Phiney by my side almost 24/7. Where we know everything about her little life. But I'm also so excited. Education is such a gift, and one Josephine will appreciate every second of. She is so ready for this next step and I can't wait to see what it will bring. What she'll love and the questions she'll ask. Her new little school is awesome, and I'm so sure she'll thrive there.

Our beautiful Josephine, We're so proud of you darling. What a brilliant little woman you are, and what a brilliant adventure awaits you xxxx

I snapped these on holiday in Scotland and I just adore them of her. Our beautiful girl, inside and out xx

SCHOOL

Today we found out which school Josephine will be going to in September. We got our first choice, which we're all very happy about, but it suddenly seems all the more real that, come September, our baby girl will be at school. It's an adventure she can't wait for. Autumn can't come quick enough for her. And she's so ready for it. But my Mama heart feels heavy knowing that we're coming to the end of an era. The last four years have gone in a blur and suddenly our tiny girl is a tall, curly haired, intelligent, inquisitive, imaginative, brilliant, kind and funny little woman. A whole new era is about to begin and I have to remind myself that that's awesome too.

Phiney went back to pre-school today after the Easter break with a spring in her step. She couldn't wait to get back there and I just about got a cuddle and a kiss before she ran off to join her buddies. I'm not worried at all about her starting school. About her loving it or about her happily heading off on her first day in September. I'm not sure I'll be quite so composed...

DEAR JOSEPHINE...

Here we are, another year older already - I hardly know where the time has gone. You've grown and changed so much since my last letter, and have so many new experiences under your belt.

You started dance classes at the beginning of the year and pre-school after Easter, and you've blossomed incredibly. A little shy, and easily overwhelmed by large groups of people, you need a little time to climatise, but you always do quickly and happily and are playing and laughing and chatting in no time. And everyone at nursery thinks you're the bee's knees. You make us so proud. It's taken me a while to work out it's best to just leave you to it and stand back, or be there for plenty of cuddles, gently encouraging you to join in only after a few minutes. Thank you for being so patient and letting me figure it all out; how best to parent you, how best to be your Mama.

You have a hard job being the eldest my little love; I should know - and Daddy too - as the eldest ourselves. We talk often about remembering to not put pressure on you and expect more from you than we should. You are so clever and bright and switched on that I think sometimes we forget how little you are. And you help Coralie out so much, teaching her and guiding her without anyone having to say a word. You are a wonderful big sister Josephine.

The last year has seen your relationship with Coralie change so much, and it is lovely to watch. You now play so happily together (most of the time...I understand how frustrating it must be to get that puzzle ruined AGAIN after you spent so long carefully fitting together the pieces) and to watch you giggle and laugh and conspire melts my heart. A beautiful friendship is being forged and you're both so lucky to have that.

Right now you love all things fairies and elves and unicorns, Barbies and babies, and also cars, jumping, bike riding, running and the time you get just you and Daddy up at the allotment; what a special place that is for you both, and what fun you'll have next year there too. So proud of your matching wellies and hoodies, when you set off with your hair tied up and your backpack on, ready to work.

I love that you're the only dancer to clap the other ballerinas as they cutesy after each class every Friday, and how you were beside yourself with excitement when we visited Moorland Rd and I told you there were seven charity shops there. Your Mama's daughter, for sure.

You dance so beautifully Josephine, I well up at least once every dance class. Coralie and I sit entranced week after week. And I love our ritual of visiting the library straight after to return and pick out two books. You always know exactly what you want or don't want, and there's no persuading you. Reading with you is the best; always so many questions about little details on the page, hidden in the pictures. You notice the smallest things - don't ever stop. Your Grandpa once told me to 'always look up, because you could be missing so much' - and I think of that often. I don't think I'll have to remind you, but I'll be sure to pass on that wisdom as you grow.

You make your Grandpa so proud, of that I'm sure. Boy, he would have loved to have been around to hang out with you; to have seen you as Mary in your nativity a few weeks ago and take to the stage so naturally, singing and doing the actions. To see you fly round the track on your bike and to see the amazing outfits you concoct from the dressing up box and emerge from your bedroom wearing. To hear the downright insane stories you make up, before throwing your head back with a pretty evil sounding laugh. He would have thought you're completely mad, and completely brilliant. And your living life so completely and enthusiastically is a reminder for me of how we all should, like your Grandpa did too - and I thank you for that darling.

Next year will be another huge one for you - in September you start school! I can hardly believe it, nor do I want to! We've completed your application and I will now happily forget all about you being away from me for the majority of the day, five days a week, until April when we find out which school you got into. We plan to fill the summer with adventures and send you off with brilliant stories of crazy escapades and daring exploits of your time by the sea and up in the Scottish Highlands. Your first time on a plane too...you're so excited!

I suppose I could offer this advice or that prediction, but all I want to say Josephine is - continue being you. Because you're awesome. Goofy and beautiful. Kind and funny. Stubborn and serious. The most wonderful creature. And even when you don't listen and test my patience to it's extremes, I still think you're wonderful. I am in awe of you, always.

I am so proud of you, so proud to be your Mama.
I love you xxx

NATIVITY: our little Mary

Last week Josephine starred as Mary in her pre-school nativity play. She was completely glorious - singing beautifully, putting all her energy into the actions and smiling so happily at us at every opportunity. I giggled with joy throughout, and could have watched it a thousand times.

When we left pre-school afterwards, we asked her if she was nervous and she replied, "No, I wasn't nervous. I just wanted to get on the stage and sing!"

Making us proud every day, our darling Josephine xx

I wish I could post a few more pictures, but we're not allowed to share those with other children in on social media, so this one of Phiney and her best buddy Oliver (who was adorably Joseph!) as they came onto the stage, will have to suffice :)

HOLIDAY: st ives 2015 [part one]

Ah, summer holiday - how long ago you already seem. Warm summer days frolicking on the beach seem a million miles away from the cold and rain and apparent early onset of Autumn.

As always, our week in St Ives was happy and blissful and none of us wanted to come home. It really is our home from home (I've been going every year since I was teeny) and I'll admit that I've spent many an hour since we got home looking at estate agent sites and dreaming of one day owning a holiday house there. A girl's gotta dream...

Last year Coralie turned two months when we were on holiday, and in all honesty it wasn't the most relaxing time. I felt that I spent a lot of the time sat feeding Coralie and watching Ben and Josephine have fun from afar. Don't get me wrong, those newborn days are so wonderful and fleeting (oh! So fleeting! Sob!) but we were all looking forward to Coralie wandering the beach with us and joining in the fun and games.

I took quite a few photos (but managed to strike the balance between picture taking and just enjoying the moment) so expect a slew of holiday posts!

We arrived on a sunny Saturday and spent the day on the beach. Just look at Josephine's face! My sister and I took her down to the sea (the tide was waaaay out) and I snapped these as she frolicked and splashed and grinned the biggest grins.  I know there are 50million of practically the same photo, but I need all these in this little journal of ours. I think this girl would happily live by the sea.

WARRIOR PRINCESS

I'm a feminist. I'd like to think everyone is these days. I always have been, but raising two girls really brings it into focus, and it reminds me that Ben's a feminist too. Our daughters believe they can do whatever they want to, be whoever they want to; because they can. It will take hard work, but their gender is certainly something that won't stop them.

Being a girl won't define what she can like or dislike.

Josephine loves the outdoors so much; playing football and digging in the mud, gardening and running and messing around. She loves Cinderella and Tangled and dance class and tiaras and pretty dresses. She plays with dolls and she plays with Lego and trains. She does press-ups with Ben and talks about bit fit and strong and she asks if I can put nail varnish on her fingers whenever I'm painting mine. She pretends to be a Mama and she pretends to be a cowboy. She doesn't see any limitations, any 'normal' games for girls. All she sees are things she wants to do and things she doesn't want to do.

I love the fact that she's such a wonderfully strong-willed and determined little girl. I love that her favourite Disney films are Mulan and Brave (both with kick-ass female leads) and I hate the fact that when we looked at buying Phiney a Mulan doll at Christmas they were all dressed in her Geisha costume and not her army one. (I also hate that when it was her birthday all the 'birthday girl' cards were Frozen - which Josephine has never seen - and all the cards with Cars and Toy Story characters on - which she loves - were for the 'birthday boy'. But that's for another post...)

Children are such sponges. They pick up on so much we don't say, and so much we do but don't think they hear or understand. I love that I am able to stay at home with my children 24/7 and spend these precious years with them, but I also love that, more and more, I'm heading out with my camera and can tell Josephine I'm going to work. That I can be a role model to her as both a working woman and a Mama.

Right now my focus is the image side of things. To grow up in a world fuelled by images of thin and beautiful models and movie stars, of fad diets and the importance of the right clothes, the right hair, the right size - it's so tough. More for our children's generation than our own, with so much technology at their fingertips. As Josephine gets older I try not to talk about being unhappy about this or that when it comes to my body, or about loosing weight or being fat. When she asked why my tummy was still 'all soft and round' a few months ago I made sure I explained that it was because I grew Coralie in my tummy and it got big and was going down now, but wasn't that such an amazing thing for my body to be able to do? I want to find the balance between her being confident in her body and her looks (unlike me) and yet not consumed by it.

It's the beginning of a long journey that I know will only get harder as she gets older and goes to school, and we can't fully control what influences she's exposed to. But I'm hoping we're giving her the best start, that feminism isn't really a term she has to warrant because it's a given...

Josephine got that tiara up there with some Easter money my Nan gave her. She put it on as soon as we got home and said 'let's play a game where someone has to save us'. I frowned, worried. Was she already programmed to think that as a girl she was the helpless princess waiting for a prince to save her?

'You need rescuing because you're the princess?' I asked...
'No, Mama. I'm the princess so I can rescue you.'

That's my girl. My warrior princess.

FIRST DAY

Yesterday our baby girl started nursery, and it was a big day for all of us. Since she was born I've spent one night away from her (when Coralie was born) and only one full day, plus a few afternoons here and there. Now she'll be at nursery three afternoons a week; eating there, playing there, growing there. It's so strange to think she'll have a life away from me, and I won't know every detail of how she's spent her time and what she's been up to. I'm not ashamed to say that I was apprehensive and that, after I dropped her off, I shed a few tears.

But here's the thing; she LOVED it. She was so excited about going last week (all she talks about is going to school like her big cousins) and yesterday morning she was close to bursting with happiness that the big day had finally arrived. Once we got there, we had some cuddles, kisses and 'I love yous' but then off she went, without looking back once.

Ben picked her up on his way home from work and when she walked through our front door she was beyond thrilled at just how brilliant it had been; about all the fun things they have to do there and play with (it really is the most awesome place!) about her new friends, the lovely ladies that work there and how completely awesome it was that she got to go back today. My apprehension melted away and I am just so happy for her.

She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow last night, tired out from all the fun and games.

Today was as equally as successful. She was so tired, but came home with the biggest smile on her face and more tales of brilliant times. And so excited that she gets to go back again tomorrow.

The beginning of such a wonderful adventure. We're so proud of you, our darling little Josephine.