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Josephine: Laughing at Coralie, who was running towards her playing a funny game they just made up. That is heart-exploding love and happiness right there.

Coralie: Cuddles with her unicorns. They make her pretty happy :)

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED

This month has been a good one, in terms of how many times I've found myself in front of the camera. Blog posts throughout the month have pictures of me in, which is awesome; with this project I wanted to make getting in the photo a habit, and not just something I remember to do on the last day of the month, and I feel like I'm getting there.

These pictures are my favourites from the project so far I think. They're so natural and fun and really represent our relationship. I'm so happy that I asked my sister, Dora, to snap them on our sunny picnic.

I'm so lucky to be Mama to these girls. They are amazingly brilliant children, and I love them so much.

SUNDAYS

xxx

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: march

This month's photographs for the Motherhood Captured series are a bit different. They were taken using my iPhone, and shot in front of a not particularly attractive backdrop of the leisure centre entrance. But they're special for a few reasons, and I love that they're here, as part of this project.

With Ben off work this week, we planned a pretty lazy Easter holidays with nowhere to go and nowhere to be - a rarity and a luxury these days. But one thing Josephine really wanted was to go swimming. We decided to head to Swindon and the Oasis Leisure Centre where there were the slides, wave machines and all round amazing waterpark-type things that a four year old would love.

We bought the girls new swimming costumes in M&S the day before we went (Phiney picked them both - brilliant choices and exactly what I'd have picked) and they pranced around the living room for ages trying them on when we got home. Josephine was more excited the night before we went than she was on Christmas Eve.

All of us had a brilliant time. I think you can see that in these photos. It's one of the reasons they're so special. I'm so happy this project reminded me to hand the camera to Ben to capture me in that moment too. On that lovely family morning, that totally lived up to Josephine's expectations. That saw Coralie's fear of the waves and splashes quickly vanish until she wanted nothing more than to get under the showers of water.

I love how happy the girls look here, and I love how happy I look. How happy I am. To be spending that morning with my three favourite people. Making a random Thursday morning actually pretty magical. To not be thinking about the to-do list or the bank balance, or how we'll ever be able to buy a house or how to make those career dreams come true. To just be there in the moment. Laughing with my little family. Breathing it all in.

It's also special because it represents a change in me. It wasn't too long ago that the idea of getting into my swimming costume would fill me with dread. That I'd have sneaked into the pool and not budged until it was time to get out. And despite the fact that after two children I most certainly do not have my 'ideal' body (it's not much bigger than it was pre-baby, but it's certainly softer and a little more wrinkly in places!) I am more confident in my own skin than ever before. This last year, I've really focused on becoming the role model I want to be for our girls.

Since Christmas I've been on a health kick. Not so much to loose weight (although that's a nice side effect) but more to be a Mama that 'does' and not just teaches; to practice what I preach. To resist the chocolate bar when I'm telling the girls to have an apple instead, to walk instead of drive - even when it's "sooooo far" (a four year old's perception of a five minute walk).

With daughters especially, I think it's so important that I never look in the mirror and complain. I never say my bottom's too big, or I hate my arms. The word diet isn't one that gets used in our house. They take it all in, even if we think they're too young or they're not listening. And I want to make sure the words I say are positive and encouraging. It's about being healthy and strong and fit. I always focus on the importance on being beautiful on the inside, not on the outside (although telling them they look lovely isn't a bad thing. It's just about balance, right?) And it's started rubbing off. I'm beginning to get it too.

Yesterday, I changed into my swimming costume without a second thought (you know - apart from the bikini wax one a few days earlier!) I walked into the pool and got out, and got back in again. The thought of what I looked like didn't cross my mind. I was there to have fun with my family, and that's exactly what I did.

I hope all this goes a long way - towards my own happiness and that of our children. It's a cruel old world when it comes to appearance, and I want to fill their heads with the right stuff - a solid foundation about what really matters - before they head out and hear otherwise.

So that's why I love these pictures. The happiness outside and in. The depiction of my journey as a Mother, and as a person, these last few months especially. And I love that this series is making me think about all these things. Photographs can be powerful. They say so much more than we initial think when we first look at them. It's why I love them so much, and why I love my job.

Here's to next month...

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: february

Another month gone, and I just about managed to get a shot of me and my girls. I don't seem to have been quite as inspired this month but I'm so thankful I remembered to pass the camera to my dear friend Amy this week. It really only takes twenty seconds and I'm thankful for this little project and our monthly deadline to ensure that I do get in front of the camera.

I feel like February was a tough month. Coralie has found her way into the world of Terrible Twos and Josephine is 4 going on 14. A true insight into having a teenager in the house. There have been long, hard days, and I found I spent the (long-awaited!) evenings reflecting on all the things I could have done differently, how else I could have reacted, what else I could have said; could I have done a better job?

But this week I've reminded myself of my main focus, my intention, for 2016 - thoughtfulness. I don't want to focus on the could haves and on the negatives. I want to think about what I did well, what fun we had. I think it's so easy to be hard on ourselves. To forget the giggles and quiet moments of 'I've got this' - no matter how fleeting they were.

The other night, exhausted from two weeks of broken sleep thanks to teething and horrible coughs, I sat on the sofa feeling like I'd let the girls down that day. That I'd shouted about things I shouldn't have, that the TV was on for a little longer than it should have been, that they'd had pesto pasta for dinner again. But as I climbed into bed I suddenly remembered the twenty minutes that morning that the girls and I had lied in that bed together. Laughing and cuddling and tickling. Snuggling under the covers and watching the birds fly past the window. Being clambered on and jumped on. There was no place I'd rather have been, and I'm pretty sure the girls felt the same way. It was joyful.

My eyes welled up at the thought of how easily I had forgotten that. How quickly I was to replace that memory with a moment of impatience and my telling off the girls for shouting or snatching or taking too long. Quickly I was remembering the fun they had when we were at the park for two hours, rather than my frustration at getting them to put their wellies and waterproofs and coats on as we tried to leave the house. I thought of all the hand holding and impromptu cuddles and kisses, and how many times Josephine told me she loved me without me saying it first.

I remembered that I sat with Coralie pretending to change her doll's nappy over and over for about half hour and how much she loved that. I remembered that I listened, truly listened, to every word of my conversations with Josephine and answered all her questions with thought and honesty and that she was so pleased to hear my excitement and interest in what she had to say. I remembered that I told them both that I loved them, that I was proud of them, that they were brilliant and funny and clever. That whenever they cuddled me, I held them until they let go. That I breathed in every ounce of that moment. That I played Mia and Me with them both for the hundredth time that week.

I'm done with spending the evenings scolding myself with what I could have differently. Here's to giving ourselves a pat on the back for all the things we did right. For letting our children know that we love them, that they're important, that they're safe, all day every day. That an hour (ok, ok, two hours) of Timmy Time and DinoTrux is not the end of the world and that they gobbled up every mouthful of pesto pasta so who cares if they had it yesterday too. That, after I lost my patience as we were trying to leave the house and I shouted about how unhelpful they were being, I apologised to them both for getting cross and Josephine said "It's ok Mama. I'm sorry too."

Sure there are things I want to do differently tomorrow, and every day I hope to do a little better, but actually, I'm doing a rather good job right now too. We all are. So with Mother's Day a week away, get in front of the camera and capture that moment, so that you and your children can look back and be reminded of all those little things. Then, like me, treat yourself to a hot chocolate with marshmallows or the last Jaffa Cake. You deserve it.

SISTERS

WEARING: [Josephine] Next dress and cardigan // La Coqueta tights // Clarks boots [Coralie] Dress found at T K Maxx // H&M cardigan // Coco & Wolf bloomers // La Coqueta tights // Clarks boots

The friendship between our girls has really developed over the last couple of months, and it makes my Mama heart so happy to see them laughing and chatting, and genuinely enjoying each other's company.

I think with Coralie changing so much since Christmas - she can talk so well now, and make herself understood much more - things are much easier for both Josephine and Coralie. There seems less frustration and arguments, and much more getting along and playing games together. It's so lovely to see.

Of course there is still friction - Coralie isn't the most delicate person, and train tracks and Playmobil scenes can get quite easily destroyed - but Phiney is appreciating that it isn't Coralie being naughty and just that she isn't quite as co-ordinated, or doesn't quite understand the game yet. For someone who is normally rather lacking in patience (just like me!) Josephine often blows me away by how calm she can remain when it comes to dealing with her little sister. Not always of course, but mostly :)

I'm so proud of these girls. So proud to be their Mama.

Also, I love the series of portraits of them outside our front door that's growing.

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: january

As January comes to a close (that month zipped by!) it's inevitable that we reflect on the resolutions or intentions we made in the New Year, and see how we're doing. One of the focuses I was most excited about was Motherhood Captured; a photography project my dear friend Polly and I developed after realising how few pictures we were included in, and how that was something we wanted to change.

I am so amazed by how successful this project has already been in getting me in front of the camera. I've blogged four separate posts with pictures of me and the girls in already this month, and I love those pictures so much. And I love the fact that when they're older, and we look back at pictures of walks and birthdays past, I'll be there too. In front of the camera, as well as behind.

This week we headed out for a walk with my sister and she had my camera nearly the whole time, which meant she captured some lovely, natural moments between me and my girls. I'm so happy to have these beautiful photographs to post for January's Motherhood Captured.

If you've got involved in Motherhood Captured this month, feel free to post a link in the comments. I'd love to see your portraits too x

DEAR CORALIE...

Sweet girl, my how you've changed since last year. You've grown so much and have become even more of a lovely little person to have around. You're funny and kind, and laid back and stubborn; you're interested and confident and so so happy. And you're completely bonkers! An absolute joy to be around. Just like your Grandpa, who you still look so like. Sometimes it's like he's looking right at me, and I love that, and I love you more for it.

Of course this year has been full of milestones for you; you've learnt to walk and talk and run and scoot and you mastered the climbing frame and slide at the park a few months ago too. You're so close to jumping and you love to run around shouting 'yeah, yeah, yeah!' when you're told it's food time, bath time or time to head out. Your excitement about the smallest thing, the happiness you find in most everyday task, is a lesson to us all.

It's wonderful to see you and Josephine play so happily together these days too. Whether it's playing Mamas or Barbies, doing puzzles, building the train track or running around outside, you're never far from Phiney's side, trying to do everything she does. I love listening to you both singing and chatting via the monitor before you go to sleep and when you wake in the morning. I hope you always chat away like that.

One of your most favourite things (aside from eating!) is dancing and singing. I'm pretty sure these will feature greatly in your future. Your dance moves are hard to beat, and you sure know how to shake that booty of yours. Especially when you're in front of the mirror. You love watching yourself, and find yourself completely hilarious.

You are such a sociable little thing too. Always chatting away to anyone and everyone, and a real cuddle monster; no baby is safe from your squeezes! And when Phiney gets upset, or Mama and Daddy have been poorly, you're the first to offer up cuddles and kisses and check we're all ok. Such kindness.

I truly can't wait to see how you blossom over the next 12 months. To hear you talk more and more and see your personality emerge further still. I have a feeling you're just going to get more awesome. If that's even possible!

I am so proud of you, so proud to be your Mama.
I love you xxx

Photographs taken on Christmas morning, and some of my favourite ever of Coralie. I just can't get over her in that 1950s dress. What a find...what an absolute cutie!

WEARING: Vintage dress // La Coqueta tights // Startrite shoes

DEAR JOSEPHINE...

Here we are, another year older already - I hardly know where the time has gone. You've grown and changed so much since my last letter, and have so many new experiences under your belt.

You started dance classes at the beginning of the year and pre-school after Easter, and you've blossomed incredibly. A little shy, and easily overwhelmed by large groups of people, you need a little time to climatise, but you always do quickly and happily and are playing and laughing and chatting in no time. And everyone at nursery thinks you're the bee's knees. You make us so proud. It's taken me a while to work out it's best to just leave you to it and stand back, or be there for plenty of cuddles, gently encouraging you to join in only after a few minutes. Thank you for being so patient and letting me figure it all out; how best to parent you, how best to be your Mama.

You have a hard job being the eldest my little love; I should know - and Daddy too - as the eldest ourselves. We talk often about remembering to not put pressure on you and expect more from you than we should. You are so clever and bright and switched on that I think sometimes we forget how little you are. And you help Coralie out so much, teaching her and guiding her without anyone having to say a word. You are a wonderful big sister Josephine.

The last year has seen your relationship with Coralie change so much, and it is lovely to watch. You now play so happily together (most of the time...I understand how frustrating it must be to get that puzzle ruined AGAIN after you spent so long carefully fitting together the pieces) and to watch you giggle and laugh and conspire melts my heart. A beautiful friendship is being forged and you're both so lucky to have that.

Right now you love all things fairies and elves and unicorns, Barbies and babies, and also cars, jumping, bike riding, running and the time you get just you and Daddy up at the allotment; what a special place that is for you both, and what fun you'll have next year there too. So proud of your matching wellies and hoodies, when you set off with your hair tied up and your backpack on, ready to work.

I love that you're the only dancer to clap the other ballerinas as they cutesy after each class every Friday, and how you were beside yourself with excitement when we visited Moorland Rd and I told you there were seven charity shops there. Your Mama's daughter, for sure.

You dance so beautifully Josephine, I well up at least once every dance class. Coralie and I sit entranced week after week. And I love our ritual of visiting the library straight after to return and pick out two books. You always know exactly what you want or don't want, and there's no persuading you. Reading with you is the best; always so many questions about little details on the page, hidden in the pictures. You notice the smallest things - don't ever stop. Your Grandpa once told me to 'always look up, because you could be missing so much' - and I think of that often. I don't think I'll have to remind you, but I'll be sure to pass on that wisdom as you grow.

You make your Grandpa so proud, of that I'm sure. Boy, he would have loved to have been around to hang out with you; to have seen you as Mary in your nativity a few weeks ago and take to the stage so naturally, singing and doing the actions. To see you fly round the track on your bike and to see the amazing outfits you concoct from the dressing up box and emerge from your bedroom wearing. To hear the downright insane stories you make up, before throwing your head back with a pretty evil sounding laugh. He would have thought you're completely mad, and completely brilliant. And your living life so completely and enthusiastically is a reminder for me of how we all should, like your Grandpa did too - and I thank you for that darling.

Next year will be another huge one for you - in September you start school! I can hardly believe it, nor do I want to! We've completed your application and I will now happily forget all about you being away from me for the majority of the day, five days a week, until April when we find out which school you got into. We plan to fill the summer with adventures and send you off with brilliant stories of crazy escapades and daring exploits of your time by the sea and up in the Scottish Highlands. Your first time on a plane too...you're so excited!

I suppose I could offer this advice or that prediction, but all I want to say Josephine is - continue being you. Because you're awesome. Goofy and beautiful. Kind and funny. Stubborn and serious. The most wonderful creature. And even when you don't listen and test my patience to it's extremes, I still think you're wonderful. I am in awe of you, always.

I am so proud of you, so proud to be your Mama.
I love you xxx