32

Last week I turned 32. We'd had a family party on the Saturday for Coralie and I (I'm not sure Coralie will be as keen on joint parties with her Mama when she turns 18, so I'm embracing it now!) so my birthday was spent just the four of us. We decided to visit the aquarium in Bristol and then got pizza for lunch. The girls fell asleep in the car on the way home so Ben suggested I park up and pop into a few shops by myself to have a browse (I found nothing. Typical.) Then we got home, popped to the allotment and after bath time and bedtime for the girls, we slumped in front of the TV and ate lunchtime's left over pizza. It was simple and not very rock n roll, but it was awesome.

With the girls a little older this year (and the question about whether or not to have a third baby very much still undecided) this year feels like the year to bring back some of the focus on myself. To forge forward in my career and to get fit. To not always put myself last. I want to do this for me, for our little family, for my girls, for our future.

Here's to getting older (and maybe a little wiser?) and being so so grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life.

Thank you Ben for taking most of these photos. Apart from the top one, Coralie refused to be in the pictures, even when Phiney and I tried to coax her in by pulling faces. It didn't work!

TWO

Today our baby turns two. And I guess that means she's not really a baby anymore. Coralie has changed so much in the last 6 months; she says so much and her little personality shines through more every day. She is a beautiful child, inside and out, and radiates joy. We are so lucky to have her in our family, so lucky to call her ours. She makes my heart burst with pride every day.

Inevitably we spent yesterday and this morning reminiscing about these days two years ago. How strange it was to think of a time when Coralie wasn't here; how we didn't know if our baby was a boy or girl. Tonight, at 11.30pm Ben and I will recall those last moments in the birthing pool in our bathroom. That final push. Meeting our daughter for the first time, and the drama that followed. Staying up until 4.30am, buzzing and unable to sleep. And tomorrow we'll be thinking about how our girls met for the first time. And how it was love at first sight.

It's an emotional time, birthdays.

Darling Coralie, you light up the world. We all adore you so much, and thank you for making us laugh all day, every day with your funny little ways. As you turn two years old you...

*love playing with your babies ("oh, baby!") and spend hours pushing them round in the pram and rocking them. Also doing their pretend cries, which is both confusing (are you crying, or the baby?!) and hilarious.
*are also obsessed with cars and motorbikes - making your Grandpa very proud, I'm sure!
*love the Playmobil 'guys', and they're are never far from you. We often find them in you backpack. Stashed away so Phiney can't find them.
*love reading books, and Pip & Posy are your favourites. As are The Tiger who came to Tea and Charlie Cook.
*run everywhere. I think I've seen you walk once. Those little legs will carry you awesome places, I'm sure.
* adore your big sister (Nee-Nee), and we often refer to you as 'Shadow' as you copy everything she does. One of my favourite things in the world is to listen to you in the morning over the monitor chatting and laughing and singing together.
*also love your best friend George ("Georgie!!") and his big brothers. What a gorgeous bunch of kiddos you are.
*eat ANYTHING. In the last year there have been some serious extremes of this (sand, snails, ladybirds...!!) But I think your favourite foods right now are corn on the cob, grapes, cream cheese, housmous and sausages. Every day... 'what would you like for dinner, Coralie?' 'Mmmmm, sausages?!'
*love animals, but especially bugs. Spiders, ants and woodlice are your favourites and you'll spend ages patiently trying to catch them in the garden.
*give the most awesome cuddles ("squeeeeeeeze!") and kisses. Sometimes you slip a tongue in, which is gross and funny at the same time.
*looooove your Mama. Definitely having a mama-phase right now, which I am totally embracing! Give me all the cuddles.
*also want to sing another song before bedtime. Top of the list is Twinkle Twinkle, Rock a Bye Baby, The Hokey Cokey, If you're Happy and you Know it and Mama Mia. Yes, the ABBA song.
*are obsessed with ABBA (Super Trooper and Mama Mia are you favourites and they're on repeat in the car) Nirvana's Live and Unplugged in New York album and Never Had a Friend Like Me from the Disney CD. You also love some drum and bass. And Dolly Parton.
*want to wear your wellies every where.
*still won't wear a hat.
*love bath time.
*hate nappy changes.

Happy birthday Coralie Joe! We love you xxxxxxxx

MOTHERHOOD CAPTURED: april

I hung onto this project by the skin of my teeth this month. In fact, Ben snapped this one in the garden on Saturday (last day of April!) as I had to get one done to post here. I'm grateful that the Motherhood Captured series is that little voice at the back of my head reminding me to get in front of the camera - even if it is only once a month. And no matter how staged it was, it's still a beautiful and natural moment between me and my babies. A capture that shows us in the garden, in the sun, playing around and cuddling and smiling and just enjoying being at home and in each other's company.

The months are moving by so fast this year, and I'm busily working behind the scenes on trying to make one of my dreams come true. It's exciting and nerve wracking and completely mind/time/energy consuming but I know that, in one way or another, it'll be worth it. I'm so happy to have to be able to give it a go, and the support to take some time and try to make it happen. Who knows if it'll work out, but I'm proud of myself either way.

As always providing for and inspiring my girls is what drives me. I want them to see and know that working hard and being passionate about something is what matters. I want to be their role model. And I want them to be proud of their Mama, in the same way I'm proud of them.

I turn 32 next week. For the first time I think I can see some little laughter lines on my face, maybe a faint wrinkle, and I've plucked a couple of grey hairs from my head in the last month or two. I don't feel 32 at all. I'm pretty sure I'm actually still 17, but apparently not. And in all honesty I don't mind aging. I am so lucky and grateful for all I have, for all that those 32 years have given me. I feel more confident in who I am, and what I want from life than ever before. Who knows what the next year will bring, but I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to be here, on that adventure.

BIRTHDAY FUN

To celebrate Josephine's birthday on Monday, we headed out to breakfast at our new favourite café (the new Boston Tea Rooms - such a beautiful space) and then went for a birthday walk around the Royal Crescent. It was absolutely freezing, so a much shorter walk than we had planned, but it gave Josephine the chance to try out her new binoculars that Coralie had given her for her birthday, and me to snap some birthday portraits. I never get any good pictures at their parties - sure, it's always so busy but largely I like to be there in the moment rather than behind the camera - so I always make sure I get some great shots at another point in the day.

I can't believe our girl is four. She looks so happy in these pictures, and so does Coralie, and that's all that matters in the world. Plus I got in on the photo action again (debuting my amazing new Ace & Jig dress - thank you Ben!)

Happy birthday darling Josephine, we love you xxxxx

FOUR

Happy happy day to our beautiful Josephine. Four today! What a brilliant, funny, intelligent, fierce and joyous girl you are. I'm so proud to be your Mama little one, it's such an honour. Here's to a year filled with the best adventures. We all love you so much darling xxxx

BIRTHDAYS

Happy birthday to the boy in our lives. We love you so much darling. Thank you for everything you do for us - going out to work so hard and yet still coming home with a smile on your face, ready to be silly and have fun with your two biggest fans; making us delicious food from scratch, letting me have a lie-in every Saturday and supporting me in everything I do too.

You're the best xxx

Ben took the day off work for his birthday and we headed to our new allotment. We are all so excited about this little space a few minutes from our house, and Ben, his brother Matt and Phiney have already done so much to clear this space and make it ready to grow vegetables and flowers next year. You can find us there every Sunday morning.

A KNIGHT'S TALE

My brilliant friend Amy and her husband John would hands-down win Children's Party of the Year Award, if such a thing existed. From the invite Josephine received in the post to the location, amazing outfits (that Amy made...for all seven of the little guests!) the games and activities (jousting, shield decorating and making their own bows) and the party bag treats.

Well done, guys. Josephine has done nothing but talk about Bertie's party since Saturday, we both had so much fun.