18/52

"A portrait of my children, once a week every week in 2014".

Josephine: There's no place in the world she'd rather be than in the back garden, planting seeds with Daddy - of that I'm sure. She'd spend all day out there if she could. Her happy place :) 

Baby: 41 weeks today and still no sign of you making an appearance. Hurry up little one, we're all desperate to meet you...

Taking part in Jodi's 52 Project.

TIME

Right now I feel that time is all consuming. 

The time we have left has a family of three, the time spent eagerly awaiting our new addition. The question of how much time birthing this little one will take, and how easily time will pass with two children. Savouring the time with Josephine and willing time to go faster so we get to meet Baby. Not knowing what time will bring. A boy? A girl?  An easier breastfeeding journey? A reluctant sleeper like Josephine? 

Over the last four months time has moved in the strangest of ways. Feeling both simultaneously fast and slow. This pregnancy has zipped by quicker than I ever imagined it would, and it's so strange and surreal that we're already at our due date. 

And all the time, the days and months that we've been without my Dad have stacked up. I've been told that time is a healer, but I feel there is so long to go until that is true. I miss him more every day and, right now, I'm finding it all so hard to be without him. Perhaps it's the impending arrival of a grandchild he'll never meet - the knowing that I won't be able to introduce this little one to their amazing Grandpa; that i'll never have a picture of them together. 

It's the strangest mix of emotions. The pure joy and excitement at the prospect of having another baby, of bringing something so amazing into the world, paired with the devastation of knowing the same world is without someone who bought so much love and laughter. 

Tonight, this weekend, I know I need to let the idea of time go; to give into the notion of 'what will be will be' and to just surrender. This baby, as with all babies, will come when it's ready; who knows what time will bring.

Last weekend we went to my Dad and his girlfriend, Dee's, house, where me, my brother and sister looked through more of my Dad's treasures. Dee had found his collection of vintage watches and we each chose one to keep and wear. There is something so comforting in wearing the watch he wore; of looking at it so many times a day and remembering him whenever I do. And, as time ticks on, I'm reminded of the beautiful times and adventures we spent together as well as the time we have been without him and the time yet to come where he will not be here with us in person but, always and forever, with us in spirit. 

42/52: two very special portraits

"A portrait of my children, once a week every week in 2013".

Josephine: She will make the best big sister in the world, we have no doubt. Her heart is as full as ours with happiness, and she's so excited about having a baby to play games with. 

Baby: Sweet little one, your first portrait. We are bursting with love for you already and cannot wait to welcome you into our arms, and into our family. 

Due in late April 2014, we are so overjoyed to announce our special news. Feeling so blessed right now.

Taking part in Jodi's 52 Project.

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Thank you for all your lovely and sweet comments. Our hearts are full of happiness right now and it’s been so awesome to share our news with everyone.

We had our 12 week scan on last Saturday, and everything is looking as it should so far. The strong heartbeat was obvious straight away, despite the fact that Baby was doing a head stand to begin with. After the midwife subjected me to lots of tummy shaking (a risky task with a full bladder) Baby finally settled in a position, with its legs crossed and hand at its head, which allowed the midwife to measure it and confirm our due date. It was the most unreal and beautiful experience. And we wish we could go catch a glimpse every day. We have to wait until we’re 20 weeks for our next scan though, so hopefully the summer will sail by problem free and nice and quickly.

At a rather impromptu BBQ that evening we announced our bit of news to our families, and plenty of celebrating followed. It was the most brilliant weekend.

So now the journey really begins. After finding out more than 2 months ago, we’ve been keeping our fingers crossed everything goes ok. Whilst dealing with the most extreme exhaustion I’ve ever felt and daily 5am to 2pm nausea. Feeling sick has mostly passed and I’m hoping the sleepiness subsides soon too, plus there’s a bit of a bump developing already. ALREADY!

And through it all the boy has been the best husband a girl could ask for. And will be the best Papa a baby could ever dream of. I just know it.

This is a recent charity shop purchase; we’re determined to keep on track with buying second hand for the bub. And why the hell not when you discover a find like this.

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And then there were three ...