Writing that post has really helped me understand my feelings and come to terms with them. Today, as I sit here, I can honestly say that those last pangs of guilt and disappointment are fleeting. The bond between my daughter and I has in no way been damaged by my bottle feeding her and the most important thing is that she's happy and healthy and blossoming beautifully. Like I said before, that's all that matters. Plus, as Ben reminded me after reading my post (and buying me these pretty flowers because "you are amazing and I wanted to get you something to make you smile") bottle feeding Josephine has its benefits. He loves his feeds with Phiney; the time they get to bond even more and look into each other's eyes, and how Josephine always clasps her fingers over his when he's holding her bottle. And on Fridays and Saturdays, Ben happily gets up to do a night feed, giving me some much needed sleep. Which. Is. Awesome.
I was quite staggered by the response to my post, and by how many women struggled through the same thing I did. Some of you fought hard to continue feeding, some of you chose to embrace another route and some, like me, had that choice made for them. Whatever happened to you, thank you for sharing. Over the last two years this blogging community has continued to surprise me with what a wonderful thing it is and that, whether you live in the next town or across the seas on the other side of the world, the blogosphere ensures that no matter what you're going through, how you're feeling or what advice you're searching for, there are people out there going through the same, ready to lend an ear and support you.
Blimey. The last few posts have been rather hardcore, what with 3am cot side cries and recollections of my toughest days of motherhood so far. Tomorrow there will be talk of birthdays and presents and how I'm going to celebrate turning 28 next week and my first birthday as a Mama. Plus I'll need you're advice again...on what to add to my birthday wish list! Because, whether it's the most difficult of topics or the most frivolous and fun, you guys always offer the best advice.
Much love to you all xxx
Hi Nell. I've been out of the loop for a couple of days so I'm just catching up with all your news. As everyone has already said, you write beautifully about your experience of being a Mother. My boy just wouldn't breastfeed, we tried it so many times and it just failed. It's really not the end of the world. Phiney will be healthy and strong. My boy is nearly 9 now and is huge - like a giant! And my OH too treasured that time he got feeding with the bottle and I got some well deserved rest. The only downside was the constant sterilization of those bottles every day! You are doing brilliantly, don't ever forget that. x
ReplyDeleteOnce again Nell really honest, it's really refreshing, your still managing to make me more and more broody!! Glad your all well now xxx
ReplyDeleteSee there is such a positive side to having a bottle feeder! Daddy gets to do feeds!!! Sadly that's something we can't do here as A won't take a bottle.
ReplyDeleteNow. As for a birthday present... You need something that you just want. Not something you need! Throw any sort of practical ideas out the window and ovfor something awesome that you wouldn't buy for yourself!
Hi again Nell,
ReplyDeleteAnother great post! One of my best mates is a doctor and she always says how lucky we are to have access to bottles - so many women (for whatever reason) struggle with breastfeeding and bottles means that beautiful babies like your little one are able to grow up healthy and strong. You are clearly both doing a wonderful job and should give yourselves a much-deserved pat on the back. And what lovely flowers! x
A massage, a manicure and a hair cut... those are high on my list. Oh and maybe an eames rocking chair and some marimekko cups! Happy birthday sweet lady xxx
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking how brave you were to write your last post while Josephine is still so little and it's all very raw. I couldn't talk honestly about my feeding issues to anyone for months, and it's only now, with distance and experience and confidence that I feel ok with it all. Good on you.
ReplyDeleteNow, birthday list. Hmmm. Time off, lie in, John Lewis vouchers and a bright yellow satchel is what I would advise! xx