5.1.14

my papa

On Friday December 27th 2013, my beautiful Daddy died suddenly in Australia. And our hearts are broken. 

After a morning snorkeling on The Great Barrier Reef with his love Dee, they got back on the boat smiling and laughing. Then, with no warning, he suffered a massive aneurysm. 

The last thing he knew was blissful happiness, and over the last week and a half, that has bought us all so much comfort. 

There are no words to describe what these days have been like. In all honesty, I still don't believe he is gone or understand what has happened; that I'll never speak to him, cuddle him, laugh with him again is ridiculous, and I'm struggling to comprehend that that's really true. In many ways I don't believe it is. In my heart I know that we'll see each other again, some day. But I'm not religious and so have nothing to really guide me at times like this, in terms of belief. With every day that passes, and through conversations with my sister and Grandma especially, I'm figuring it all out in my head though. Working out where my Dad is now and how he'll be by my side, always. 

The outpouring of love we've received from around the world has been incredible. My Dad worked in the film industry as a costume designer, and has been working in Australia since September. Throughout his career, he has worked around the world and with so many people, and they all love him. I'm so proud to call him my Dad, today more than ever. 

I can't write much here, right now. It's so raw, so hard to fathom. But I wanted to write it here. This is a diary of our lives, the good and the bad, and the heartbreaking. I'm not really sure how much I'll be round here. Grief is a crazy thing, and I've never had to deal with it before. Every day, every hour is different. But I will be posting 52/52, and I will be partaking in this year's 52 Project too so look out for those. More than ever, I've realised the power and meaning of photographs. 

Oh, my Papa. I miss you so much already. But I know you are with me, and always will be. Guiding me and holding my hand, and smiling down on us all. You are an inspiration, and I promise to live life to the fullest, as you always have. I love you, now and forever xxx

24 comments:

  1. Nell there is nothing to say that is going to make you feel any better. My thoughts are with you and your lovely family. Hugs and love to you x

    ReplyDelete
  2. So brave writing your feelings here... sending you much love, and thoughts are with you all. HUGS xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, Nell. Life is so shit, so unexplainable. I feel so much for what you're going through. Sending you lots of love. Kellie xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, I am so sorry. I spent the majority of my life working away from home, and I have been too far away, too often, when I lost those who mattered to me most. I am glad he went as he lived. There is some comfort in that. xUna (who reads this blog but has never commented before

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh I'm so sorry. Keep being brave lovely x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh goodness, I remember when you posted those beautiful photos of your Dad and Josephine before he left for Australia. I'm very close to my Dad so I can't even imagine what you're going through, especially being pregnant. The circle of life is devastating when it ends so soon and close. May you seek small comforts in happy memories and take each day slowly. Thinking of you at such a difficult time x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Nell, so very sorry to read this. I can't even imagine the sadness you are feeling in your heart. Your papa sounded like such a creative, interesting, loving soul. Thinking of you three plus growing babe, praying for peace and healing when and as it's needed xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. My heart is so very sad for you, hearing this terrible and crappy news.
    My thoughts are with you and your family
    xox

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am so, so sorry for your loss xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear Nell ~ I am so very sorry to read your words today. My goodness I can't imagine the depth of sadness you and your family must be feeling. I will hold you in my thoughts and am sending you love across the wires to you and your family. Your Daddy sounded like an amazing Man. xXx

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh my sweet friend my heart breaks for your unimaginable loss and heart break. take comfort in his last moments of happiness and give yourself time to grieve and mourn. thoughts are with you. xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. prayers and hugs from Arizona. I weep thinking about your loss and I don't even "know" you in real life...but Mommy's and Daddy's are the first loves we know and I'm so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear Nell, I am so very sorry to read about your Dear Dad. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Sending you lots of hugs and love from San Francisco xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  14. Beautiful and brave words, Nell. I am so sorry for your loss. Your Papa is definitely looking down on you and feeling as proud of you as you are of him. Thinking of you often at this time and sending you much love and strength x x x x

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nell, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Loss is so very hard to take, especially when you lose a parent. My thoughts are with you and your family x

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thoughts and prayers (of the non religious) kind are sent your way.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I know I posted on facebook and instagram but just wanted to let you know (again) that I'm thinking of you so much, every day. Much love to you sweet Nell x

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear Nell, I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my beloved mum when I was 10 weeks pregnant with my second little one so I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now, losing a parent is so tragic, my heart goes out to you. Keep hold of those wonderful memories you have and look after yourself. Much love Cathy x

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thinking of you Nell - i thought I saw you this afternoon but you were too far away if it was you & i thought how I hadn't been on here for a while, so checked in today. I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you xox

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dearest Nell, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Much love through this tough time xx

    ReplyDelete
  21. How so very sorry I am to hear this heartbreaking news I have only.been following your blog a while, big Cuddles from.a online friend xcxc

    ReplyDelete
  22. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Classified Sites, Pakistani Classified Sites, USA Classifieds, Indian Classifieds, Entertainment Articles, Entertainment News, Entertainment Pictures, Bollywood, Hollywood and Lollywood Pictures and Videos, Entertainment Latest updates, Hot Entertainment News and Pictures Funny Entertainment Pictures, lol Pictures, Funny Pictures and Much More Fun Only on 1 Current Affairs Network
    hotcurrentaffairs.com

    ReplyDelete